You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
