Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
