I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
