god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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