Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
