At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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