thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You need a sexual gate keeper
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
