I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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