I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
