Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
