remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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