The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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