my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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