I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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