where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
