I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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