first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
