pedialite and red bull = repair kit
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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