At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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