I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
