question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
