Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
