Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
