Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
