she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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