So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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