i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
