I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
