i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
