my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
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I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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