Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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