you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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