I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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