I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
