Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
