I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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