I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
