sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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