i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
