In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
