I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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