He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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