I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
