Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
