Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
two words: eviction party
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
