Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
