Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
