Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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