i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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