...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
