what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
