I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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