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Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You dont lie about slip and slides
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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