He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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