Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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