I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
