have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
