Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
