so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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