If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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