paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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