Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
