i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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