dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
