i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
