And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
