I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think people are normalizing furries
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