He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know her cup size but not her name....
send nudes
from the living room?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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