i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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