girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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