Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
