Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
