It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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