Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I party with great urgency now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
