She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
