I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize