Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
where does the pee come out of this thing
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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