We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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